Having a child should be more like starting up therapy. Before you sign anything and move forward, someone sits you down (therapist) and lays down the basic facts about the process such as: what to expect, the research behind the game plan you decide to go with, and the risks and benefits among many other things. The idea is you, as the client or parent, get to make an informed decision about moving forward with these things, no problems, you know what you're getting into. Nice tight easy-to-understand package.
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Well then again, being a family counselor myself, I guess I've noticed that you can't possibly provide clients with ALL the information they will need to know before moving forward with counseling. I mean, how could you possible know of the unconscious fears that clients have hidden away for years that come up as the therapeutic relationship grows stronger? There is also no way of knowing that, just because the research says one intervention is the best for a certain mood disorder, it will necessarily work for a specific client. We are not a cookie-cutter society (though we certainly try to make ourselves a "melting pot"), every person has their own experiences, thoughts, and values that make how they perceive the world unique. I guess an informed consent in therapy doesn't prepare clients for everything that could happen. It tries to hit the main points like "during this process you will feel new or different emotions", "you might have troubling thoughts, or "here is a general outline of how this will go, but your experience may be different from the next person's". I suppose pregnancy and preparing for a baby is similar. I've sat down and read a book about being a father-to-be of being an actual father. My work consists of me working with families to establish better relationships and structure in their homes. I know that a father's experience during the first trimester (which ended two days ago) is going to be much different from my wife's. I've been informed, I know what to expect.
Yet, I encountered something unexpected. Though my wife has been having different symptoms during the past few months that have made this pregnancy real, it was last week when my wife showed me the beginning of a baby bump that this pregnancy became very real to me. It was looking at my wife and seeing the physical changes of this pregnancy that it struck me, "holy cow, this it is! It's happening!" Of course, in that one second when that thought crossed my mind, about one billion other thoughts crossed my mind such as "can I support this family?", "I'm happy", "I'm scared to death", "Am I going to be a good dad?". As these electrical impulses were gliding over the overwhelmed myleniated axons in my brain, all that came out of my mouth was a clumsy, shaky "woah..." I later reflected on the fact that, though I tried to prepare myself for the feelings and thoughts I might have by reading a book for fathers and other literature my wife has shown me, I find myself still being caught off guard by the changes that are happening to my wife, to my family. I guess having a child is like counseling. You can talk to different people about their experiences, read books about the best way to go, but in the end your experience is going to be unique. You're accumulation of life experiences, knowledge, and relationships are going to influence how you respond to the process. What I've learned from therapy is that the best results come from being engaged in each moment, being an active participant in the process, and most importantly, having hope. I think these would be applicable to pregnancy. I'll give them a try and share my experience with you. Though remember that your experience, Dads, will probably be slightly different from mine.
Jeff
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