On Your Mark, Get Set… GO!!!!

Okay Baby, we are all ready for you to come!  Today is August 10^th, 2011.  It is five days PAST your original due date, and five days BEFORE your “official” due date.  So the big question on our minds is when will YOU be ready to grace us with your presents?  I don’t do very well when it comes to waiting and having patients.  But one thing that does seem to help is remembering that God has already decided your due date, He already knows how you will come (induced, natural birth, or even a C-section) so all I have to do is sit back and practice acceptance.  It is very hard to do, when all I want to do is to see your cute little face and hold you in my arms, but it is what is best for you and for me!

In the mean time I can enjoy the last few days your dad and I have as a couple.  The weather has been agreeing, and last night we enjoyed a walk around Silver Lake.  We talked about your birth and your life once you arrive.  It was fun to imagine pushing you in your Bumbleride stroller (thank you Grandpa Rick) and taking you to the 3 different parks around the lake, or strapping you into your car seat (thank you Grandma Terri) and bringing you places around town, showing you the big world that is out there.  It is hard to think of what life will be like once you get here because from what we have been told, absolutely EVERYTHING changes!  We are all so excited to meet you.  It is hard for me to say this, but come when you are ready… however if you are on the fence about being ready, know that its way more fun out here than it is inside my tummy.  There will be lots of things to do and see out here and I really think you will like it!  

Mac n’ Cheese and Chocolate Ice Cream

Dear Little One,

We have done so well, you and me, as a team.  Up until Friday morning I would say we have had the most uneventful pregnancy possible (and the lack of updates to this blog is also a testament to this fact).  However Friday morning at 8:00am I got a phone call from Mayo.  The day before we had gone to our 1 hour glucose test, and I was told they would only call if the results were abnormal.  Well I will be damned if anyone is going to call my baby girl abnormal so I will take all the credit here… I got an abnormal result for my glucose test.

So what does this mean for us?  Well after drinking flat Mountain Dew (or at least that is what it tasted like) my blood sugar did not return to normal levels (below 140).  So next we have to take another, longer glucose test.  If my result is still abnormal we get diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  I have done some research and only 15% of those who have abnormal results from the first test actually get diagnosed with the disease.  So that is good news.  Statistically we have a good chance of NOT having it.  However, of my friends and coworkers who failed the first test and passed the second one they ALL have said that they drank or ate something sugary right before the first test.  That was NOT the case with me.  I could say that it was all the nursing wisdom that was instilled in me at MSOE’s nursing school that motivated me not to eat anything that would spike my blood sugar, but really let’s be honest; it was my fear of needles.  I don’t mind needles used for piercings or tattoos, or even needles that are used to poke other people; however when it comes to needles poking me I am not a fan.  I have been known to pass out… and go into convulsions.  And being poked once for the first test was scary enough… the thought of having to go through the second test where you are poked at least 4 times, well that put the fear of God into me and I was very conscious/cautious of all the food I ate the morning of the test.

I guess we will just have to wait and see.  Our 3 hour glucose test has been scheduled for 7:30am Monday morning, as if Mondays weren’t fun enough already!  To be honest I think having gestational diabetes wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.  If anything it would be a great opportunity for us to eat better.  And babies whose mothers have well controlled gestational diabetes have no more risk than babies whose mothers don’t have the disease.  All in all, it could be much worse.  We are a good team.  Our easy pregnancy has shown that and I know we would come out on the other end okay.  I am actually more scared of the test than the thought of having the disease… 4 needle pokes!  You sure are important to me, because I really can’t think of any other person on Earth who I love enough to get my blood drawn 4 times in one day!

And just in case we do have the disease I made sure to get an extra helping in of Mac n’ Cheese and chocolate ice cream in for dinner and dessert last night. 

Tomorrow is 27 Weeks

Megan is at work today and Oscar, our orange, adopted son from the Milwaukee Human Society, and I are cleaning the house, creating a to-do list for my complex application for professional counselor licensure, and updating our pregnancy blog.  Tomorrow will be the completion of our 27th week of pregnancy which, if my calculations are correct, means "oh my gosh, I'm going to be a father to a baby girl: feed her, love her, and keep her safe!"  It has baffled me for the past few weeks why I have been so nervous about bringing Lilly into this world, but I think I have it figured out.  My current job has me working with parents and their children from ages five to 17 helping them establish structure in their homes and relationships and creating a safe, loving environment in which their children can flourish (well that's our goal, anyway).  In the past seven month, this work has given me access to a wealth of knowledge of how to accomplish these goals: child development, social skill building, behavior modification, etc.  Like all humans were knowledge and experience is the kryptonite to fear, I feel comfortable and competent to raise a child in a safe and loving environment.  One problem though, my knowledge has been focused towards my client population, which basically excludes children below the age of four.  I'm guessing this is were my fear kicks in, I still know so little about raising a young child, specifically an infant.  Sure, I know a bit about babies, but my experience and knowledge is limited.  

Gratefully, I am surrounded by people who have a wealth of information and experience in raising babies (my moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandparents, siblings, etc.) and a partner who has done nothing the past several months but read books about raising and caring for an infant.  Megan has probably done as much research regarding pregnancy and child-rearing as I have in later child development for my work.  Looking forward towards the next 13 weeks (give or take a couple), I guess my job should be tapping into these supports as well as picking up a few of the books Megan has been reading.  

Bottom line: there's not much time left for me to let these fears get the best of me.  If past experience has taught me anything, setting time aside to learn and ask for help is the way to conquer these fears.  This is one of the many lessons the families are work with have taught me and it's time to put it into practice.  For family and friends, including my lovely wife, Megan, prepare to receive inquiries.

Oh My Gosh, We Are Having A.....

So the big day has come!  We went to the ultrasound and discovered the answer to the most burning question we have...

Well, we are having a BABY GIRL!!!!  Haha a little baby Megan.... Jeff is really in trouble now!
Also below are some ultrasound pictures of our little girl :-)

Profile with baby's hand

Profile with spine in the picture.
Baby is doing well and growing exactly the way she should be, and everything was looking great according to the nurse and the ultrasound technician.

Baby Update

Baby Alert:  On February 18th, I heard for the first time, Megan for the second time, our little baby's heartbeat.  Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh; 147 beats per minutes!  Things are going pretty well here in Rochester, MN.  After a great week of melting snow and warm weather, I am now staring out the window as heavy, wet snow blankets the previously shoveled sidewalks and roads.  At least baby and Mommy are safe inside :)  Will update in at least four weeks (18ish weeks in baby time) when we get the big ultrasound that checks out baby for any abnormalities as well as whether the baby is growing an "extra appendage" or not.  Once we find that out, Megan will be able to choose the appropriate colors for all the small outfits and accessories she wants to crochet.  Fun stuff.  Stay warm.  

Jeff

Okay now, get to the good part!

Well Baby, I must admit, I am getting a little impatient.  I have told all of your relatives, and most of my close friends about your pending arrival, I have begun to eat better, your grandpa has bought you a crib that your father and I lovingly put together, and I have even bought a pregnancy yoga video.  Now I just get to sit and wait.  Since I don't know if you are a boy or a girl, I can't buy you anything, or crochet you anything.  I don't have a baby bump (well not an official one, visible to a stranger) I just have a pooch that makes it look like I ate a big lunch.  So here I sit thinking "What do I write about?"  What do I do next besides wait?  It is even hard to daydream about you because I my dreams I don't know what to call you (our boy name or our girl name).  And I don't think that if you're a girl I will deck you out in nothing but Pepto-Bismol Pink, but if you are a boy I also don't think you will own a pink dress (unless you later in life verbalize that you would like one).  So unless I picture you in nothing but a diaper in a white room, there isn't much to fantasize about...

I did get to see a picture of you though, and that was really neat.  I think the doctors were worried about you because I didn't have any symptoms of pregnancy except for a little bit of tiredness in the first few weeks.  I guess lack of both morning sickness, and breast tenderness can be caused when you have a baby that is not compatible with life.  Thankfully the doctor waited until after she showed me your "strong heart beat" on the ultrasound before telling me the aforementioned facts.  But even your ultrasound I can't show to many people.  You look like a blob.  Your father said you look like a gummy bear.  Either way you are OUR GUMMY BEAR, and we are excited to look at you, but anyone except for us (with exception of your grandparents) just sees you and says, "Oh that's nice."  I don't blame them, I wouldn't know what to say about someone else's blob.  You can't say, "Oh, how cute!"  After all a blob is no more cute than a circle or square.  

Well I guess I will have to keep doing what I am doing, even if it doesn't seem to be much.  I am very grateful that you are healthy, and that I haven't been to sick or miserable with symptoms of pregnancy.  I know that I can't expect all of my pregnancy to go this smoothly, so instead I will have to sit back and try to enjoy the parts that are easy. 

Much Love,

Your Mom :-)

A Husband's Reflections

Having a child should be more like starting up therapy.  Before you sign anything and move forward, someone sits you down (therapist) and lays down the basic facts about the process such as: what to expect, the research behind the game plan you decide to go with, and the risks and benefits among many other things.  The idea is you, as the client or parent, get to make an informed decision about moving forward with these things, no problems, you know what you're getting into.  Nice tight easy-to-understand package.

 ...

Well then again, being a family counselor myself, I guess I've noticed that you can't possibly provide clients with ALL the information they will need to know before moving forward with counseling.  I mean, how could you possible know of the unconscious fears that clients have hidden away for years that come up as the therapeutic relationship grows stronger?  There is also no way of knowing that, just because the research says one intervention is the best for a certain mood disorder, it will necessarily work for a specific client.  We are not a cookie-cutter society (though we certainly try to make ourselves a "melting pot"), every person has their own experiences, thoughts, and values that make how they perceive the world unique.  I guess an informed consent in therapy doesn't prepare clients for everything that could happen.  It tries to hit the main points like "during this process you will feel new or different emotions", "you might have troubling thoughts, or "here is a general outline of how this will go, but your experience may be different from the next person's".  I suppose pregnancy and preparing for a baby is similar.  I've sat down and read a book about being a father-to-be of being an actual father.  My work consists of me working with families to establish better relationships and structure in their homes.  I know that a father's experience during the first trimester (which ended two days ago) is going to be much different from my wife's.  I've been informed, I know what to expect.

Yet, I encountered something unexpected.  Though my wife has been having different symptoms during the past few months that have made this pregnancy real, it was last week when my wife showed me the beginning of a baby bump that this pregnancy became very real to me.  It was looking at my wife and seeing the physical changes of this pregnancy that it struck me, "holy cow, this it is!  It's happening!"  Of course, in that one second when that thought crossed my mind, about one billion other thoughts crossed my mind such as "can I support this family?", "I'm happy", "I'm scared to death", "Am I going to be a good dad?".  As these electrical impulses were gliding over the overwhelmed myleniated axons in my brain, all that came out of my mouth was a clumsy, shaky "woah..."  I later reflected on the fact that, though I tried to prepare myself for the feelings and thoughts I might have by reading a book for fathers and other literature my wife has shown me, I find myself still being caught off guard by the changes that are happening to my wife, to my family.  I guess having a child is like counseling.  You can talk to different people about their experiences, read books about the best way to go, but in the end your experience is going to be unique.  You're accumulation of life experiences, knowledge, and relationships are going to influence how you respond to the process.  What I've learned from therapy is that the best results come from being engaged in each moment, being an active participant in the process, and most importantly, having hope.  I think these would be applicable to pregnancy.  I'll give them a try and share my experience with you.  Though remember that your experience, Dads, will probably be slightly different from mine.  


Jeff